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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Why I Like Raptor Photography

WARNING: This post contains RIBALD, cutting and sarcastic humor as well as COARSE language. If this offends you...unfortunately, I do not tone down my language for anyone. Considering the fact that there is a back button on your browser, that's what it's there for. Consider the use of it.

Reason # 10 Why I like Raptor Photography: You try photographing Tom Cruise’s baby Suri…you’ll get your lights punched out. If you photograph a nest…without trying to disturb the young ones…you’re free n’clear.


Reason # 9 Why I like Raptor Photography: THE STARE. You think the Rock can intimidate…Well…can you smell what this eagle is COOKIN’? The Rock don’t got nothin’ on this eagle.

“Hey…buddy…YOU look like FOOD!!!!”

Reason # 8 Why I like Raptor Photography: They’re natural predators. We’re prey unless we’ve got a bang-stick in our hands. But without one, we’re toast…to anything with sharp claws and teeth. And what better than to capture a natural predator doing what it does best. Killing something.

Reason # 7 Why I like Raptor Photography: Just like humans, being a teenager means you get to be young and stupid. Ever seen a juvenile hawk, they got no fear. They’ll come right up to you and stare you down. It doesn’t matter that you’re three times their size and about six times as wide. And it’s great to be able to use that to our photographic advantage.

Reason # 6 Why I like Raptor Photography: You walk around downtown with your camera and people start looking at you strangely. You walk around the park with your camera and the raptors don’t give a crap what you’re doing. They’re too busy hunting and doing their own thing to care. You want to take a picture of homo sapien in his natural environment, prepare to shell out some dough. You don’t find raptors with their talons out asking for money for the privilege of having taken their photograph.

Reason # 5 Why I like Raptor Photography: It’s all about size of your equipment, baby. You know the rest of the saying…Do I really have to spell it out for you? And it’s not about compensation. We got the size…baby, and we know how to use it.


Reason #4 Why I like Raptor Photography: It’s always nice to photography something about as antisocial as the photographer is. If I was a people person, do you think I’d be shooting wildlife photography? I’d be shooting weddings and making money.

Bald Eagle by Kits Point 2
"What the HELL are YOU looking AT??!!"

Reason #3 Why I like Raptor Photography: Raptors don't require model releases. Ever try asking a bald eagle to sign a model release...ain't gonna happen. Then again, they don't give a S*** who or what publishes their photo

Reason #2 Why I like Raptor Photography: Raptors never have bad hair days. Raptors never bitch at you about why their photo came out blurry, or that their feathers just didn't turn out the right color the way they wanted it to.

Reason #1 Why I like Raptor Photography: Raptors can never hire lawyers to SUE YOU. You could sell the photo to an advertising company who uses it on a prophylactic ad with the catch-phrase "Soar like an EAGLE!" and you won't get sued. Try that with a homo sapien. Kiss your finances goodbye.

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